Act Like A Hobbit Dress Like A Man
by FaustusianSutcliff
Summary: (Title is Subject to Change)FemBilbo Billa Baggins is non to thrilled to discover that Gandalf has promised her help on a dwarfs king's quest, nor was she happy to discover the wizard didn't tell him that she was a female. So she dresses as a man going as Bilbo. What's the worse thing that could happen aside from Thorin starting to believe he's gay? You'll have to find out


**A/N: I do not own the characters of the Hobbit. This will be loosely based on the movie/book but I don't know how much yet. No set pairing at first playing it by ear. Comments are always welcome as well as your enjoyment**

Chapter 1: First Meeting Part 1

"Let me get this straight," Billa said as she stood with her hands on her hips before Gandalf. "You want me, a traveler, to accompany dwarves on a trip so the king under the mountain can try and mend peace with all the neighboring regions while looking for a dragon?" she asked slowly. "As a man?"

"Yes," Gandalf answered simply. "I've already told King Thorin you would agree and well he just assumed that you were a man. Female travelers are uncommon."

"And you didn't think to correct them?" she asked.

The wizard shook his head. "You better get packed. He will be here tomorrow morning."

"T..tomorrow morning?" she asked. "How do you expect me to be ready by then? Not to mention how will i manage to pass as a man? Huh? I'm a female Gandalf."

"I'm sure you'll think of something," Gandalf replied. "Enjoy your evening Billa."

 _Stupid grand wizard,_ she muttered shutting the door to her home.

To be honest, she was a bit surprised Gandalf would even speak of her to the dwarf king. Let alone tell him she would be willing to go along. Granted, she would be able to study the dwarves more, thus adding to her research on the different races aside from Hobbits, mortals, and mermaids she already had.

She pushed herself off of the door and made her way to her room and stopped in front of the floor length mirror. It wouldn't be too hard to pass as a man. Granted, she was well a bit too tall for a hobbit at a full height of five feet. Sure she was quite curvy and well off in the chest area. But she could always use bandages to keep them as flat as they would go. Her hair was already cropped short looking like a ray of golden curls atop her head.

Billa turned away from the mirror and proceed to begin packing. _At least I managed to stock up on supplies,_ she thought grateful. She dug around in her closet finding a box of her father's old clothes and tried them on, happy to find the pants fit her and the shirts were the right amount of baggy.

All that was left was her voice, which wasn't a problem. Her voice wasn't all that feminine to begin with. She had a soft voice, but it was also just a smidge low for a female. Not that she minded too much. She rarely spoke to the folks of the Shire. They found her too strange. Always traveling and writing. Nor was she married, engaged to be married or even seeing someone for that matter.

Billa shook her head and proceeded to redress tying the strings to her skirt and button her shirt before making her way next door to tell her neighbor she would yet again be leaving and asked if he would look after her home while she was gone with the promise of quite a deal of money. She always got a yes in reply.

Billa returned home and made herself a cup of tea to calm her nerves. _Look on the brightside Billa, you're traveling with a king,_ she thought with a chuckle.

* * *

Billa set her book down and rubbed her eyes blinking as the blurriness faded. She looked out the window and saw the first bits of daylight peeking over the mountains. She stood and stretched making her way to the bedroom changing into a simple pair of black pants, a white button up shirt and a plain brown vest.

She was making her way to the kitchen when there was a knock at her door. She lifted the latch and opened the door finding to young dwarves on her doorstep wearing matching grins.

"Fili-" the blonde haired one began.

"And Kili-" the dark haired one spoke up.

"At your service," the finished in usion. "You must be Master Boggins."

"Baggins," she corrected.

"Are you ready? Uncle, I mean, King Thorin, is waiting for us at the inn a few towns over."

"He didn't come to the Shire?" she asked.

"No. Other members of the company are still arriving and he thought it best if we just fetched you ourselves." The blonde haired one, Fili, answered.

She nodded. "I shall go grab my pack then," she said retreating back to her room. She slung the pack over her shoulder before making everything was secure and stepped onto the front steps of her home and shutting the door behind her.

"After you," she said.

The brothers nodded and made their way down the hill with Billa following behind.

"We should make it there by sundown, if we don't stop," Fili told her.

Billa suddenly felt self a bit self conscious as the walked through the small town. Very few were out but those who were stopped and stared as they passed. No one noticed her, thank goodness, but they stared none the less.

* * *

0"Gandalf tells us you're a scholar," Fili said as the three made their way across a small lake. They were stepping over rather large stones.

"It's more of a hobby," Billa replied carefully making her way over the stones. "I enjoy writing about different races." She caught herself before she slipped and took a deep breath before continuing.

"Are you going to write about us?" Kili asked.

He was following behind her. Patiently waiting as she took her steps.

"If you mean dwarves then yes," she answered stepping onto the dry bank. "I want to learn everything I can."

"I'm sure we could help with that," Kili grinned. "We know tons of stuff." His hand went to her shoulder to steady her again and she gave him a small smile.

"Thank you...Kili right?" she asked.

He nodded and smiled letting her go once they reached the shore. "It's not trouble Miss. Baggins."

She stared. "How did...but I don't...I mean…." she suddenly blushed and looked down. "How did you figure it out?"

"One of your neighbors," KIli supplied. "Don't worry, we won't tell, right brother?" he looked over to where Fili was watching them curiously and nodded at the sound of his name.

"We won't. It'd be quite funny to see how the others would react though. But it's not our secret to tell," the blond told her.

"That's right miss. Baggins. You're secret's safe with us," Kili grinned and slung his arm over her shoulder almost toppling her over from the sudden weight.

"Well then, thank you both...I appreciate it," she found herself smiling at the young boys. "And you're right. It would be funny to see their reactions."

The three of them continued their walk, Billa feeling more comfortable knowing that they would keep her secret relaxing her completely. It felt a little nice, and if she was secretly stealing glances at the two boys, well no one need to know that part.

* * *

Fili and Kili led Billa into the Inn the others were gathering at once they arrived at their destination. It was modest looking, not to fancy and not to plain and no one was batting an eye as two dwarves and a hobbit walked into the place. That was a plus she supposed.

"Uncle!" the two young brothers announced as they ran up to an older dwarf sitting at a table. They hugged them and the older hugged back. They were speaking in some foreign language she did not understand. She would have to ask what it was.

"We have brought the hobbit as requested," Kili told the older dwarf pleased.

Three pairs of eyes looked to her and she waved a little.

"Hello," she nodded.

"That is the hobbit?" the older male looked her over seemingly unimpressed. "The way Gandalf spoke of him I expected someone more...not grocer looking."

She bit her tongue and held back a glare instead settling for looking neutral. "It's nice to make your acquaintance...?"

"Thorin Oakenshield." He didn't offer his hand to shake and she didn't either.

"It's...nice to meet you," she nodded looking him over.


End file.
